Bathtubs, Knives and Balconies

Bathtubs, knives and balconies
all tempting, tempting ways
the world is full of danger
full of ways to kill yourself
can't you see?
How can a littl girl be safe?
lock her up, lock her up
hide the key, hide the key
that's how a little girl can be safe
don't let her see, don't let her see
the bathtubs, knives and balconies
don't let her see
danger, danger all around
lock her up, lock her up
hide the key, hide the key
that's the only way to keep
the little girl safe.

Barry Graham posted pics of my unicorn porn on Dogzplot. lol

Yummy Cannibalism

Do you know...
your eyes would be chewey like dgumdrops
your lips would tast like gummyworms
your ears, fried, would tast like bacon
your fingers and tows would tast lis mini hotdogs
your nipples would be my lollipops
your tongue would tast like liver
and your penis would taste like chicken
When I'm done I'll floss my teeth with your hair
and pull on your lucky wishbone
and I'd win too
Has anyone ever told you your head would make an awesome purse?

Sleep

I'm afraid of going to sleep. I'm afraid I won't want to wake up.

On the other side

I'm now on the other side where people are less crazy. My roommate on the other side was convinced that before they let her in, the car license plates were sending her subliminal messages. She though the matresses were bugged and that the automatic toilet took pictures of us, why they would want pics of our bare asses is beyond me. She also said we had to close the drapes cuz there a sniper outside. Ahh, the psych ward, there's no place like home is there?

Halfway House

They are shipping me off to a halfway house called Woodrow. I wonder what a halfway house is. I hope I get to bring my laptop. I'm planning on making my journal I wrote here on the inside into a book.

My Roommate in the psych ward

"Wait, can you see me?" she asked.
"Uhh? Yes."
"You can?"
"Yes."

4th Poem Published!

My friend T.Rose is locked up in the psych ward with me. She and I just got our poetry accepted at Admit2! Woo-hoo! The nurse came from 100 feet away cuz he heard our screaming. Thename of the poem is "Our Psych Ward."

3rd poem published!

My third poem is going to be published at Clockwise Cat! and I'm back in the psych ward. :(

Penis Envy

OK, so I'm out of the psych ward now, for better or for worse. Today I broke down because my bf doesn't understand me. I was driving and I drive like the insane maniac I am, and it scares the shit out of him cuz hez relatively normal, though he swears he's not. And it just pissed the fuck out of me because he's afraid of death and that's one of the biggest differences between us, he fears death and I invite it to play. I have a hard problem respecting anyone who overly fears death. If you're a big strong guy you should not be afraid when you're girl drives over 80, come on. LAME! NEway I broke down crying and was slamming my fists and head into the wall and door and I was pissed that I couldn't make a hole, even though I kinda didn't want to make a hole because I didn't want to have to fix it. How expensive is that? Ugh, that's such a lame question, like when the therapist asked me if I cleaned the knife before I cut my wrists? What a stupid fucking bitch. But still, I wanted to make a hole like guys do when they're pissed off. And then I was even more mad because I'm just a little girl and I'm weak and I don't have a penis, not that I'm gay, but I'd like the operation just so I could have a dick and balls, but literally having them wouldn't figuratively fix anything. I'd still be a little girl, I'd just have a dick, which would actually be really weird and my boyfriend would probably not like it. Although, sometimes I think he's gay. I'll ask him.
I hope my hands give rise to beautiful blue and black roses tomorrow, for all their pain, they better.

On the Other Side of My Window

On the other side of my window the world is sunny and still. Cars line parking lots with no hint of their owners. A lone girl walks briskly by ignorant that her crazy counterpart views her from the nearby window of an insany asylum. The world looks so quiet outside my window as if it has indeed stopped turning for me while i'm locked up in here. A lady in a wheelchair wheels by. We both are prisoners but at least she can feel the sun on her face, but at least my prison sentence must end before hers.

Overcoming Self-Destructive Behavior

I told the social worker that I was still feeling like hurting myself and stabbing other patients. I gave her the knife I stole from my lunch tray. I went into my room, closed the door, locked it, went into the bathroom, closed the door and pounded on the walls. When I came out they gave me a pill and an "Overcming Self-Destructive Behavior" workbook. I feel better now after the pill. Thank God for pills. I don't think the workbook was a good idea though, it just gives you more ideas, like hitting your head against the wall and hiding meds to overdose on later. I didn't know hitting walls was self-destructive, it seems like it would be wall-destructive.

Psych Ward

I am in the Herrick Psych Ward for "suicidal ideations and urges to cut self." I told the social worker that I also had urges to stab people, and I gave her the knife I stole, but she didn't put me in solitary confinement or strap me is a straighjacket like I was hoping. I think it would be fun to throw myself against the padded walls. Instead I went into my room and pounded on the walls, which apparently, according to my "Overcoming Self-Destructive Behavior" workbook is self-destructive behavior, though it seems more like wall-destructive behavior. I don't think the workbook was a good idea, it just gives me more ideas like hitting my head against the wall and hiding meds to overdose on.