Penis Envy

OK, so I'm out of the psych ward now, for better or for worse. Today I broke down because my bf doesn't understand me. I was driving and I drive like the insane maniac I am, and it scares the shit out of him cuz hez relatively normal, though he swears he's not. And it just pissed the fuck out of me because he's afraid of death and that's one of the biggest differences between us, he fears death and I invite it to play. I have a hard problem respecting anyone who overly fears death. If you're a big strong guy you should not be afraid when you're girl drives over 80, come on. LAME! NEway I broke down crying and was slamming my fists and head into the wall and door and I was pissed that I couldn't make a hole, even though I kinda didn't want to make a hole because I didn't want to have to fix it. How expensive is that? Ugh, that's such a lame question, like when the therapist asked me if I cleaned the knife before I cut my wrists? What a stupid fucking bitch. But still, I wanted to make a hole like guys do when they're pissed off. And then I was even more mad because I'm just a little girl and I'm weak and I don't have a penis, not that I'm gay, but I'd like the operation just so I could have a dick and balls, but literally having them wouldn't figuratively fix anything. I'd still be a little girl, I'd just have a dick, which would actually be really weird and my boyfriend would probably not like it. Although, sometimes I think he's gay. I'll ask him.
I hope my hands give rise to beautiful blue and black roses tomorrow, for all their pain, they better.